From My Family to Yours

Happy Thanksgiving. It's the traditional time to contemplate those things we are most thankful for, so I'd like to take a minute to thank you all. As we were growing up, our families were very similar in many ways. Large, Catholic family with dad at work living modestly just trying to do the right things. West Islip was much more urban than our hometown but I imagine it was the same yard littered with bikes and toys. OK, we had a slobbery dog and you didn't but.....I consider you the lucky ones in that department.

Despite the similarities, James and I each had significant differences in our respective households. The Ryans could be found watching the football games during dinner, while you all were listening to Frank Sinatra.

Your dad would bring a bus to special family events--my dad would bring a dress so he could switch clothes with an aunt to entertain us with a number!

I learned from your mother that some families accept the garlic buds at the breakfast table. Ours was more likely to have beer caps leftover.

Your grandfather had a still--mine played Hearts for pennies with us and made my mother pay up.

Yes, we each had to make some adjustments but I always felt welcome in your family. This is probably at least 20 years late but thank you for adopting me so graciously into the family. My siblings and I found out far too late that my sister-in-law did not feel welcome by us. This took us completely by surprise as we certainly had no idea that we had acted in a manner that made her feel like she wasn't accepted by us. But that was her perception so that's all it takes to give it validity. I can't imagine such a feeling. Thank you all!

I am just beginning to get an idea of how hard it must be for a mother to "give up" her son to another woman (no, Ryan isn't getting ready to elope or anything--he's just getting older so I started thinking of his adulthood a little more seriously). Your Mom never ever made me feel like anything less than a full family member, same with your Dad. I always appreciated that.

So, again Happy Thanksgiving and thank you!

Giving Thanks

I don't know what everyone's Thanksgiving plans are, but I hope you all enjoy the day. I like Thanksgiving especially because it seems so "low-key" compared to other holidays and is mostly a reason to get together and just have fun. One of my favorite and enduring Thanksgiving memories is of going to the hospital to greet Brad. I remember the nurse left him with us for just a few minutes so I always felt as though we were his first babysitters. This is "Mookie" that day 22 years ago.

Birthday wishes this month to Thomas, Michelle, Brian, Lindsay and Steve! We are especially thinking of Jake, Lindsay and Emily and wishing them a very special first Thanksgiving together as a family. A new member of the family is indeed someone to be thankful for.

Aunt Louise

One of my recent research goals has been to find out a little bit more about the Coffarelli family. I don't know too much about them yet. We know that your grandfather James was the youngest of 9 children. His mother, Rose, died when James was pretty young although I don't exactly when or where yet.

James' obituary noted he was survived by four sisters including Sister Magdalen Maria (probably his sister Tessie/Theresa); Mrs. M Desabto (either Margaret or Mary); Elizabeth; Mrs. M Barra (probably Louise/Lucy) as well as two brothers Joseph and Phillip. So I started researching the surviving siblings.

Initial research shows that Louise Coffarelli married Michael Barra in June 1919 and Lena Coffarelli married Anthony Fierro just 3 months later. I presume Louise Barra is surviving sibling Mrs. M. Barra. Lena's fate is still uncertain but perhaps she did not survive him. He had six sisters and 4 lived after he died in 1934.

I came across a Social Security death record for Louise Barra and from that information I obtained an obituary noting her death in Florida. I think this might be your Aunt Louise. Interestingly she "only" died in 1989--pretty recent in the realm of family history work. I am startled that there might have been a living Coffarelli aunt within the time frame of the work I've done on your family so far! I expect one of you to blurt out--"Oh yeah, I remember Aunt Louise!" in one of those lightbulb moments.

This obituary notes that Louise is survived by 2 sons Anthony and John -- in 1989 one of them practically lived in our backyard. Catskill is not that far away from here!

I feel as though the evidence just barely hangs together--not quite enough to feel certain that this is your great aunt Louise Coffarelli. Then another little miracle fell into my lap. Literally.

Every now and again I flip through the same photo albums, papers, memorabilia etc just to see what I find that's new to me. This time the news came from your mother's old metal address file. It pops open and the pages fall out of it -- full of pen and pencil marks, cross outs and changed numbers or addresses. Including Louise Barra and Anthony Barra!!! In Catskill!!! I scanned this sheet even though it's messy, it's like a sparkling diamond to me.

So I've done a little more investigating and discovered an Anthony Barra (along with several other Barras) in Catskill. I suspect this is Louise's son and he is likely quite old now (or I'm way off base). I've written to him and hope one of the Barras will help confirm that Louise is one of our Coffarellis.

And the address file yielded another gem. Remember Lena Fierro? Well, there are two Fierros listed in your mother's addresses. This will be my next focus. There may be new Coffarelli cousins coming out your ears before you know it. How cool is that?

A Proud Mom

So here's what I'm thinking about today. Twice today, people mentioned things Ryan had done recently that are the kinds of things that really make a parent proud. All day long I smiled to myself because I am so proud of him and the adult he seems to be growing into (actually it was closer to "teary eyed" than to smiling, but who's counting?).

There aren't many other parental moments that rise to the level of pride in our children over the behaviors they exhibit, especially when they have no way to expect we would find out. Of course, in some ways, it's all about us right? And our parenting? Mostly our doubts about how we are doing with that job as time goes by. Then we get validated by learning our child has made us proud. And we smile (or wipe tears away) for the rest of the day.

In this case, these were little things --as they often are. Little gestures or responses that can easily go unnoticed and often go undetected by mom-radar. Which made me think about my parents and their parents and so on. Was there anything I did that made my mom feel the way I do today? I don't recall that she ever mentioned such a thing but I suppose there had to be at least SOMETHING. Maybe when I was about 6 or so! I think I'd like to know. Especially because it's usually those little everyday things that define our relationships in this world and make such a difference with those looming life-defining moments we all face eventually.

So, I'm going to make a point to tell Ryan tonight that I am so proud to be his mom. I hope you will do the same with someone you love in the near future. Maybe they will remember it and understand a little better what makes them the people they become.

DNA anyone?

Recently I talked my brother into submitting a DNA sample to a surname project in the hopes of making some connections with the Irish Ryans. I cannot say I understand any of the results that have come through so far, but I did gain about 8 Ryan contacts to pursue. The most interesting Irish Ryan stories have come to me even though none looks like a match to ours (so far). It's something you all might want to consider, although you are fortunate enough to have substantial "old country" information, the stories add a great deal of insight to our ancestors lives.

So, here's a bit of Dalpiaz lore. This image may not be particularly clear but it is a tribute to Erminia Dalpiaz Maistrelli. I think she looks like a Dalpiaz! Erminia was an aunt to your grandfather Costante. Erminia's daughter Emelia was married in 1921 in Las Animas Colorado and lived in the area until at least 1930.

So here's what I find interesting. You may remember the story of Otillio Dalpiaz who was murdered in Colorado in 1928 and apparently died without any family claiming him. This murder occured in the same county that served as home for Otilio's niece Emelia yet no mention was made of any family ties for him during the inquest or investigation. Makes you wonder how it happened that perhaps Emelia never knew her uncle was nearby--or, if she did, why no evidence of it came to light.

I feel pretty strongly that it is likely she knew she had an uncle in the area. That's just how things were for families at that time, especially immigrants in a community with others from the old country. Just another little story for your consideration. Enjoy these beautiful fall days!

One of my most recent searches is for information about Long Island City in the 1930s or so especially for the sugar house in Greenpint (Jack Frost) that your grandfather Costante worked in. Aunt Josie also said your grandmother worked there as well. She said Costante first worked in this sugar house then started working the trollies then to the buses. I have no idea what working in a sugar house was all about but I think I can just about imagine the smell which I am supposing may have been sweet but not a pleasant homey kind of sweet smell--more like the overwhelming hot sweet smell that fills your nasal passages.

I did find this picture apparently by photographer/artist Miklos Suba (perhaps of Brooklyn) that I think might be the Greenpoint Brooklyn Jack Frost Sugar factory. It might be around the approximate time period that this factory provided a living for your grandfather and grandmother. Just thought you might find it interesting.

Now to move into current times: Happy birthday Drew! Isn't it nice to have a long weekend for your birthday almost every year? The leaves are so beautiful this weekend they just take your breath away. Go out and enjoy.

Italian American Museum

I thought you all might be interested in hearing about the Italian American Museum. I don't know my Manhattan geography very well, but so far as I can tell it is located in Little Italy at the site of a former bank frequented by Italian immigrants (corner Mulberry and Grand Street). This article in the New York Times caught my eye and I thought of your ancestors and their lives in the late 1800s and early 1900s. It notes that a thrid class ticket from Naples to New York cost $30 in 1894 (about the time the Manzellis arrived also from the port of Naples). I'm sure $30 was a large investment for such travelers.

In particular, I took note of a researcher's statement that "the neighborhood was a cluster of enclaves within an enclave, with various streets representing various regions of the old country" and that those who lived north of Broome Street was from Bari. Now, I don't know Broome Street from 5th Avenue, but I do know that one branch of your ancestry comes from Bari! I would just love to visit this museum. If any of you happen to visit, please be sure to let me know (sounds like Robert and Bobbie to me!).