From My Family to Yours

Happy Thanksgiving. It's the traditional time to contemplate those things we are most thankful for, so I'd like to take a minute to thank you all. As we were growing up, our families were very similar in many ways. Large, Catholic family with dad at work living modestly just trying to do the right things. West Islip was much more urban than our hometown but I imagine it was the same yard littered with bikes and toys. OK, we had a slobbery dog and you didn't but.....I consider you the lucky ones in that department.

Despite the similarities, James and I each had significant differences in our respective households. The Ryans could be found watching the football games during dinner, while you all were listening to Frank Sinatra.

Your dad would bring a bus to special family events--my dad would bring a dress so he could switch clothes with an aunt to entertain us with a number!

I learned from your mother that some families accept the garlic buds at the breakfast table. Ours was more likely to have beer caps leftover.

Your grandfather had a still--mine played Hearts for pennies with us and made my mother pay up.

Yes, we each had to make some adjustments but I always felt welcome in your family. This is probably at least 20 years late but thank you for adopting me so graciously into the family. My siblings and I found out far too late that my sister-in-law did not feel welcome by us. This took us completely by surprise as we certainly had no idea that we had acted in a manner that made her feel like she wasn't accepted by us. But that was her perception so that's all it takes to give it validity. I can't imagine such a feeling. Thank you all!

I am just beginning to get an idea of how hard it must be for a mother to "give up" her son to another woman (no, Ryan isn't getting ready to elope or anything--he's just getting older so I started thinking of his adulthood a little more seriously). Your Mom never ever made me feel like anything less than a full family member, same with your Dad. I always appreciated that.

So, again Happy Thanksgiving and thank you!

Giving Thanks

I don't know what everyone's Thanksgiving plans are, but I hope you all enjoy the day. I like Thanksgiving especially because it seems so "low-key" compared to other holidays and is mostly a reason to get together and just have fun. One of my favorite and enduring Thanksgiving memories is of going to the hospital to greet Brad. I remember the nurse left him with us for just a few minutes so I always felt as though we were his first babysitters. This is "Mookie" that day 22 years ago.

Birthday wishes this month to Thomas, Michelle, Brian, Lindsay and Steve! We are especially thinking of Jake, Lindsay and Emily and wishing them a very special first Thanksgiving together as a family. A new member of the family is indeed someone to be thankful for.

Aunt Louise

One of my recent research goals has been to find out a little bit more about the Coffarelli family. I don't know too much about them yet. We know that your grandfather James was the youngest of 9 children. His mother, Rose, died when James was pretty young although I don't exactly when or where yet.

James' obituary noted he was survived by four sisters including Sister Magdalen Maria (probably his sister Tessie/Theresa); Mrs. M Desabto (either Margaret or Mary); Elizabeth; Mrs. M Barra (probably Louise/Lucy) as well as two brothers Joseph and Phillip. So I started researching the surviving siblings.

Initial research shows that Louise Coffarelli married Michael Barra in June 1919 and Lena Coffarelli married Anthony Fierro just 3 months later. I presume Louise Barra is surviving sibling Mrs. M. Barra. Lena's fate is still uncertain but perhaps she did not survive him. He had six sisters and 4 lived after he died in 1934.

I came across a Social Security death record for Louise Barra and from that information I obtained an obituary noting her death in Florida. I think this might be your Aunt Louise. Interestingly she "only" died in 1989--pretty recent in the realm of family history work. I am startled that there might have been a living Coffarelli aunt within the time frame of the work I've done on your family so far! I expect one of you to blurt out--"Oh yeah, I remember Aunt Louise!" in one of those lightbulb moments.

This obituary notes that Louise is survived by 2 sons Anthony and John -- in 1989 one of them practically lived in our backyard. Catskill is not that far away from here!

I feel as though the evidence just barely hangs together--not quite enough to feel certain that this is your great aunt Louise Coffarelli. Then another little miracle fell into my lap. Literally.

Every now and again I flip through the same photo albums, papers, memorabilia etc just to see what I find that's new to me. This time the news came from your mother's old metal address file. It pops open and the pages fall out of it -- full of pen and pencil marks, cross outs and changed numbers or addresses. Including Louise Barra and Anthony Barra!!! In Catskill!!! I scanned this sheet even though it's messy, it's like a sparkling diamond to me.

So I've done a little more investigating and discovered an Anthony Barra (along with several other Barras) in Catskill. I suspect this is Louise's son and he is likely quite old now (or I'm way off base). I've written to him and hope one of the Barras will help confirm that Louise is one of our Coffarellis.

And the address file yielded another gem. Remember Lena Fierro? Well, there are two Fierros listed in your mother's addresses. This will be my next focus. There may be new Coffarelli cousins coming out your ears before you know it. How cool is that?