August 3, 1985

Saturday August 3 1985 was a very hot day, as I recall.  Twenty eight years ago--which is how old I was that day.  I was taking a look at some of the wedding albums that I haven't opened in quite a while and had a great deal of fun looking in the background.  I thought you might enjoy the same.  These aren't your typical wedding day pictures -- these are some of the pictures that tell the backstory.  And what a story it was!  Enjoy --in particular, enjoy remembering those no longer with us.

How could I resist this?

 The crowd outside the church after the ceremony--Jane and Joe, Joe Roubal, Angela, Michelle

 Lindsay with a fistful of rice

 I see Aunt Rose and Aunt Josie in the background with big smiles!

 Look at this crew! It was so big I don't think the photographer could get any closer

 In the motel parking lot:  Betty and Joe, Joe F, Tom and Josie and Kathleen 28 years younger

 They both look really happy here.  I love this picture.

 Two moms and two mothers-in-law

Go Bobbie!

And, of course:

Farewell til the next time.

What a Messa!

Sorry about that title but I don't know how else to say it!  I will now demonstrate (once again) how I get off track so quickly.  As you know, I've spent lots of time trying to find all the siblings of your grandfather James Coffarelli.  I've decided it's time for a new Italian focus and I settled on the Messa family.  This post WAS going to focus on aunts and uncles:  Aunt Rose and Aunt Josie in particular. I began by looking at my notes from various visits with them and I noticed several facts shared about the Messa family.  I realized there is a great deal there to learn.  And so it has begun.  And so far, it's kind of a mess.

From Rose Messa Jozwicki's journal as shared by Aunt Rose "in memory of the Messa family" : During that time my father's (your great grandfather Jacob Messa) younger brother Onofrio wanted to come to America with his wife.  My father sent them the money.  

This record seems to indicate Onofrio arrived in New York from Naples with his wife Teresa December 1920.  Francesco and Marie's names are crossed off apparently indicating they did not make this trip with Onofrio.

Continuing the story told by Rose Messa Jozwicki:  "They came and lived with us (for we had a very big house). Several months went by and everything was fine.  Then father had an argument with his brother so he then made his own home.  After that, father sent money to Italy for another brother names Frank to come to Ohio.  They came, it was then our whole life changed."

Ellis Island records showed me that Francesco, his wife Marie and his daughter Marie (then 5 months old) arrived August 1921. 

"By this time, he was through building so my Uncle Frank moved in.  He wasn't there not even amonth when father was accusing him of many things which I will not write about.  They told him to get out, but for spite he would not go.  Then more trouble came and father would go more with this woman than with his own brother.  They went to court and Uncle Frank had to move out.  They were enemies and never spoke to each other again."

Frank and his family apparently moved to New York.  I am unclear on what Onofrio did.  Your great grandfather Jake never made it to New York as far as I know.  Aunt Josie said Onofrio was a barber with a "nasty wife" and the family didn't see these children very often.  There was also a sister Teresa who married but had no children, according to Josie.  It appeared to me that Onofrio's "nasty wife" was also named Teresa so there's lots of opportunity for confusion. 

My research so far seems to indicate there is more than one Frank Messa married to a Marie (brings Franks and Marie Barone of Everybody Loves Raymond to my mind!).  The guy I think is the "other" Frank is only a couple of years older than "your" Frank so I am treading very carefully in this research. 

Which bring me to the Induddi name.  Anyone recognize this name?  It would be helpful to know if you do.
I came across this intriguing tidbit:

This is from the Long Island City Star Journal January 7 1947.  From what I have learned so far, I think this Marie Messa daughter of Frank is the infant Marie in the earlier ship's record.  I conclude from this that Frank Messa (your great grand uncle) was still alive in 1947 but wife Marie had perhaps died.  Further, your Frank Messa was in Long Island City near his sister-in-law Catherine Contenta Messa.  Perhaps the cousin Larry is one of Onofrio's children rarely seen--that is yet to be determined!  Marie did have a brother Louis (though there are plenty of Louis Messas to further confuse matters and hinder final determination of their relationship to you). 

In my effort to determine if this is your Messa family, I searched for Dominick Induddi, for once feeling quite smug since that is a rather unique name.  And look what pops up almost immediately;

Such a cute mug to be listed in an obituary since this 93 year old died in June of 2011 leaving his wife of 65 years Marie behind!  Can you believe it?  I believe this is the couple noted in the above wedding announcement but I'm not ready to be certain because (and this is hard to swallowZ) there is ANOTHER Dominic Induddi who died in 2011 husband of Nancy.  How is this even possible?  Cute mug Dominic above did not have a son named after him so I can't even begin to sort that out until I spend some additional time with the various Louis, Frank and Marie Messa family members.  Onofrio, wherefore art thou?

Any help appreciated.  Back to the drawing board. 

July 4th in Bellair Beach

Although it was a shortened trip, we did have a very nice time with Kathleen and Nick over the July 4th holiday.  We left Binghamton very early that morning and were surprised at how many others had the same idea that we did!  I guess that the since the holiday fell on a Thursday, perhaps that made it easier to make a long weekend out of it for travelers. 

Regardless, our favorite Bellair Beach Limo Service "Rao-At-Your-Service" picked us up so we could begin our holiday.  Almost immediately, we jumped into the pool (of course); had a couple of drinks and got caught up.  The Tampa area has had rain in excessive quantities same as most of us have had these last couple of weeks so we weren't surprised by a sudden strong storm that blew up almost out of nowhere. 

The storm knocked out the power, so we amused ourselves by playing "What's in Your Wallet?" I've been after James for a long time about his George Costanza style stuffed wallet but this was validated at the airport security line by the officer that said "Wow, this is heavy!" when she hoisted James' wallet into the bin.  So we took the opportunity to play the new game and the three of us passed judgement on what James did or did not need in his wallet.  Then each of us showed our own.  (Wallet).  I am pretty sure James squirreled away his wallet detritus for later re-packing. 

Nick cooked on the grill for our July 4th dinner feast and noticed some new unknown droppings underneath one of their plants.  I declined the generous offer to take a look and see if they seemed to be from a species familiar to me.  But it continued to bug Nick because he'd clean it up and it would return. 

I was looking forward to some awesome fireworks and I was not disappointed.  There was a light sprinkle but the "show must go on" and there were formal and informal fireworks on all sides.  I was looking forward to testing some of my new photography knowledge on the fireworks and had plenty of opportunity to practice!  It was epic and I threatened Nick and Kathleen that we may return next July 4th to enjoy the spectacular.  It was setting up to be a memorable weekend.

I selected these from the nearly 100 that I took for your review.  I think they are decent for a first effort. I was glad to have Nick's help.





The mystery of the droppings was solved the day after we left under close observation (very close apparently) and here's the offender:

Whew!  Mystery solved!

New Normal

I think you've heard that our friend Ron died last week while we were with Kathleen and Nick.  The fact that I don't have to explain who Ron is speaks to the huge influence he's had on our lives.  I'm not finding words adequate for this.  But of course that's not going to stop me here.

Ron's memorial is tonight and I plan to speak.  Not an easy task when you don't have appropriate verbiage to properly express thoughts.  Another friend who can't attend sent me her thoughts and it is titled What Would Ron Do?.  Mine incorporates common Ron-response: Wait!....What? Sigh.  Shake head. 

Some of his actions had us laughing and others could be irritating.  That's life in close proximity.  As Amy stated, it never would even throw her off to awaken in the morning to find him seated at our kitchen table having coffee.  Even if we weren't there.  Especially if we weren't there.  Ryan was never very surprised to be shaken out of bed by Ron.  Our guests would have to come to terms with this other adult having complete access to our home at nearly any time of day--though most regularly about 30 minutes after he'd had his breakfast at the diner.  Then he'd make his most reliable rest stop on the way to his house...our downstairs bathroom.  Wait!  What?  Sigh.  Shake head.

One day I came home from work to find his backhoe in my yard.  He'd removed our old oil tank (yeah) and then decided we needed a garden in its place.  So he proceeded to create a garden.  And hand me the bill.  Always something discounted from Lowe's.  Wait! What?  Sigh.  Shake head.

Another time Amy tested positive for strep and was required to stay home for 2 days.  Ron was recovering from surgery and offered to stay at the house with her so I could go to work.  I accepted gratefully.  When I got home, I discovered he'd washed my kitchen floor.  Wait!  What?  Sigh.  Shake head.

Just a few days ago, he left a broken tombstone at my house.  Wait!  What?  Sigh.  Shake head.  Less said about that, the better.

And literally hundreds of similar moments filled the years since I met him 34 years ago.  It's a huge loss.  It feels like something really big came to an abrupt halt.  A way of life.  A certain work ethic.  A particular kind of community living.  My own work life.  Damn him.  I know he prepared well for this eventuality but being prepared doesn't always equate being ready. I find peace in the fact that he died actively working on his farm. A good death if there is such a thing.

But it's a "new normal" I guess.  I Googled the term just for fun as I was contemplating this post.  Nothing positive came up as a "new normal":  search results included megafires, lawlessness, mass unemployment and the like.  Se we'll move forward with a hole in our hearts and the knowledge that we were very fortunate indeed in this lifetime.

 1996 Summer party--Ron right behind Ryan and Amy

 Just a few weeks ago.  June 15 2013

 1994

 2001

The Gondola

The Gondola is the name of the souvenir graduation program from PS 83 June 1942. Since this is graduation season, I was looking through it out of curiosity and noticed some things I thought you would find interesting. 

This program cover has your mother's name in the upper right hand corner, written in her hand.  The graphic is obviously hand drawn.  The signature of the artist indicates she was one of your mother's classmates.  Your parents were about 14 at the time, so I'm presuming this is an 8th grade graduation program.  The first thing I noticed with interest was that the agenda for the event seemed to have a strong ethnic flavor.    Perhaps there was a South American/Hispanic theme?

What a sweet thought that the President of the Mother's Club presents the medals and awards!  Somehow I find that comforting.  There is an extended list of patrons and patronesses (I'm guessing this program was some kind of fund raising effort).  That list contained several familiar surnames including Dalpiaz, Coffarelli, Manzelli, Sapienza,  Miglietta, Petro, Restivo, Jozwicki--Must have been every single grandparent, aunt, uncle and parent of each graduate considering how many there are on that list!

It appears great effort was made to include everyone in the contents of the program.  I find that very similar to today's efforts.  Also in line with today, I noted there seem to be a small number of "over-achievers" --those whose names you see on every other page in the yearbook.  You remember those people from your own yearbook, right?  Anyhow, when I realized that I might find familiar names, the search was on. 

 The program opens with a poem that appears to include all graduates:  As Others See Us.  Lucky for me these were alphabetical. 

Finding Mary Sapienza's (Aunt Mary's) contribution was a big bonus!  I'm not sure why she's in some of these lists and not in the others but perhaps Angela can shed some light on that one of these days. 

Your mother apparently enjoyed the Drama Club writing and portraying Mother Csorba (?!)

and your father the Shop Club (surprise!)

Regina and Mary find themselves commended for school spirit (along with a number of those afore-mentioned over-achievers)

Robert, Regina and Mary were "On the Alert for Defense"--written in a very patriotic tone:

You'll note that someone marked your mother in the picture with a plus sign!

Not surprisingly, the patriotic tone is heavy.  This is only a few months following the bombing of Pearl Harbor.  Many of the students had obviously been affected by the war. 

You've probably seen this picture of the graduates--this is not too far from the size of our own high school graduating class this year.

Aren't they cute?  Then they enter high school..........

View from the other side

My life has been a bit tumultuous these past few weeks and the blog has suffered accordingly.  I am hoping that my newly freed up schedule will allow me to be a better caretaker.  Hang in there with me please. Friday June 21 was my last day of work after 34 years at Harpursville.  I was 22 years old when they took a chance on me in September 1979.  I don't know what your experience has been lately, but our district no longer hires 22 year olds.  We hire "experienced" adults: teachers laid off from other districts or second career professionals.  I didn't know anything.  Unlike some young adults, I knew very well that I didn't know anything.  I knew that well enough to pay attention, work hard and learn along the way.  And, boy, did I learn!!!

When I woke up on Saturday June 22, it was a brand new world.  It truly felt different--as though I'd stepped over some crevice that wouldn't allow stepping back.  I did not expect that.  Everyone assured me enthusiastically that I would LOVE retirement and they were right (a whole 3 days into it now).  It's hard to describe unless you've experienced it.  It's a little bit like becoming a parent.  Everyone says it changes you and that you can't know until you experience it.  It's like that.  Without spit-up.

As I was contemplating this blog post, it occurred to me that the feeling was a little bit like Nik Wallenda's recent walk over the Grand Canyon on a tightrope.  Highly publicized, lots of people watching and praying, questionable outcome. He commented afterward that the winds were a little stronger than expected and he had to readjust.  So on this journey in recent months toward retirement, it was a lot like that.  The buffeting winds were stronger than anticipated which called for adjustments.  But I am successfully on the other side now. 

The retirement party was EPIC.  I felt very fortunate to be alone in the spotlight for those few hours.  It was noted that there were more retirees in attendance than active teachers --they seemed surprised but I wasn't.  In nearly every circle of friends, I am the youngest.  I loved it back in the day but it came to bite me in the *ss a little bit as each of them retired and I found myself kind of alone and adrift.   It felt just right to have many of them in attendance that night along with 2 of my sisters, Ryan and James.

 The evening's entertainment included the Tin Man, pieces of a tombstone, and a tissue wave send off!

 The Tin Man was describing one ReadAloud event where we held a Wizard of Oz murder mystery.  He wore the Tin Man costume the guy brought but it was MUCH too small, especially the pants.  And Paul here was terribly afraid this costume malfunction would cost him his job. 

The tissue wave send off replicates a tradition I started many years ago.  Outside the second story library window is the top of the music room.  We'd invite teachers to step out onto my "deck" on the last day to wave good by to the elementary students leaving in the busses to start their summer vacations.  The elementary teachers wave tissues on one side of the street and we wave from above.  Kids love it. It was great to see this from the other side and a very touching addition to the evening.


The table decorations at the party were a series of caricatures depicting some of my activities throughout the years.

 This shows "Old Paint"--it's a wooden book truck that was in the library when I started way back in the last century.  One of the English teachers would ride him like a horse and called him Old Paint.  He's badly in need of varnishing and touch up but I like his character just the way he was.  He's used every year to hold the diplomas as graduation so I wasn't able to ride him out of the school on the last day as I wanted to because he was already laden with diplomas.  It's probably the only thing left in that library older than my time there.  And I expect he's being reconditioned this very minute.  Poor thing.

But I feel as though I'm being reconditioned every day as I consider taking a nap--checking the clock to see if it's too late for a nap--then realizing IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT TIME IT IS.  Or when I'm thinking about dinner and realizing: yes, I do have time to prepare that.  Or when I'm grocery shopping and don't have to buy things that can go easily into a lunch box.  You get the idea.  It's the little changes so far that have seemed so very sweet to me this week.  My first week on the other side. 

Thanks for all your well-wishes.  It has meant a great deal to me.

1928 was a very good year----mostly.

Your father's 85th birthday would have been this week--and your mother is already 85!  I was doing a little research into the year and thought you might be interested to know that Mickey Mouse also made his first appearance in 1928 in Steamboat Willie".  Bubble gum, recliners and sliced packaged bread also became available for American consumers which tells  you just a little bit about the pop culture of the day, don't you think?  The House at Pooh Corner was published and the first yo you factory opened so it was certainly a brand new world for children lucky enough to be born that year.

But, wait, being a child in 1928 was not like being a child in this century.  In fact, I believe many of us would find it hard to believe that parenting advice of the time admonished parents not to drop sentimental slop all over their children's heads--it suggested they be treated as small adults with handshakes for greetings and perhaps a very occasional kiss on the forehead if absolutely necessary.  This is the advice of James Watson who published Psychological Care of Infant and Child in 1928.  Here's an interesting section of that book.  When we ponder how our parents acted or reacted in ways that seem foreign to us, thinking about how their parents treated them might help ease that confusion.  I forget sometimes that parenting advice has evolved over time and that children are direct products of their home lives.  Parents sometimes might have tried to follow the best professional advice of the time; which, to us, seems as foreign as not having sliced bread available.

My research did uncover one very interesting fact.  There was a lunar eclipse June 3 1928 so don't you wonder if that had some affect on your father's birth?  There are still many many folk stories related to pregnancy and childbirth and a lunar eclipse and I have a feeling your grandmother believed most of them at the time.

Although we often study pictures very carefully for details, sometimes we forget to do the same with documents.  Here's a record of you father's birth.  The first thing I notice is that he's named "Bob".

 I don't believe it to be an official birth certificate if you read it carefully but it was cared for as carefully as if it was--and perhaps it could be used as such back in the day.

And some other favorites for a little trip down memory lane:

 1975 joint anniversary party (Thanks Kathleen!)

Easter 1993

 I've been told this is the Bellmore house.

 Christmas 1989--your dad looks bemused.

You've seen this one before but I love "the pose" as he watches you guys open gifts.

So Happy Birthday and enjoy June now that the calendar has turned.  I know I will :) !